Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
