I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
