only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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