Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize
