Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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