Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize