I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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