you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
