So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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