In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize