I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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