Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
