I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
