Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize