the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Dick very happy bro
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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