Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
