I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
