u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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