I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
