biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
