john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
