Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Welp...herpes.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
