I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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