i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Drake has all the answers
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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