How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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