He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
