I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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