Umm I'm too high to move.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
