Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
