plz talk dirty to me
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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