I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize