lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
