Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
