This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
