your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
