She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He has the fingertips of a God
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
