I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
