the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
