I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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