Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
