i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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