just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
