Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
