It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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