They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
