I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
