so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize