Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
