Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
