I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
