Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
