you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
