so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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