Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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