I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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