I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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