I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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