I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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