she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
