my phone needs a breathalizer
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
