Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
