happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize