Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
