Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Enjoy the penises
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
