This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
