I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
