they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
