my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I enjoy the company of your penis
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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