there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize