he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
