Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
