Swine flu. Run for my life!
Don't make out with my wife yet
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize