Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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