3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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