I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
