What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
