Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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