Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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