so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
