I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
