dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
