the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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