Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
